What the fuck do you see?
I feel like a child. I feel the insecure 14 year old girl that I once was. I feel like an idiot. Too afraid to voice so many fucking things. Do you think I’m lying? Do you think I ever wanted to be stuck this way and still have people to this day think of me as immature for not saying things? Don’t you think I annoy myself the most? I have to deal with me every fucking day.
When I work up enough courage to say things, it’s pointless almost every time. I know you know what I’m talking about. It makes me sad that some things that kinda meant something to me, that would’ve made some type of memory for me, ain’t shit anymore. That’s how I feel.
If these things I saw in my head were physical and brittle, every one of them would’ve been shattered by now. Every one of them tainted. I don’t even want to think about them anymore – when they were all that I thought of. I don’t want you to read this and feel bad or anything negative. This is just how I feel.
I am so sorry for what I did. I am just a quiet person. You know how sometimes, may be, you sit and just watch and try to feel and embrace every thing around you? I was just feeling. Like a fucking corpse. Hahahaha.
Right now, I don’t even wanna fucking do it again. I know I said it’ll be different next time but… I must be so bad at it.
My dad just walked in on me crying xDDDDDD thank you for hiding my face, sadly not my voice, laptop xD