Wednesday 5th July, 2017.

7:54 p.m.

I keep feeling as though I’m not good enough. You’ve never given me that impression. You’ve never made me feel as though I weren’t – but I feel like I’m not enough. I want this to work out, I really do, but I feel like it won’t because of me. I’m not saying that I bring my baggage with me wherever I go, it’s just because I’m here right now.

I feel like I’ll cause irreparable damage, or one day you’ll just decide that it’s probably best if it doesn’t go any further. You’ll be right. I can’t blame you. No wonder all the other one did was leech off of me. That was all I was good for.

I’m trying to always stay so positive, but it’s so difficult doing that here. I should see it as a challenge and try – but all of the words would pile up in the back of my mind until I break again one day. When I break, I wouldn’t even remember how long I went without feeling like shit.

At that point, I’ll only see the worst – I broke. You said I am strong – but I am weary. When will I rest? When will I be able to get rid of this weight myself and not depend on someone else to help me carry it?

Right now, I’m in a low mood. I’ll climb to the top again but I don’t know when that’ll be.

You could run and escape all of these useless things, but yet you stay. I don’t know why. I doubt you’re one of those people that just stay to see who the other person really is. Just so you know who they are and nothing more.

I don’t understand you. When I sit back and think, do I know you? Do I know me?

I was in–…  It wasn’t a relationship but I spoke to someone about the stuff I tell you. When I was younger and too naïve. He was born in 1986. He probably thought as himself as a listening ear. His intentions were wrong, and he didn’t care about the things I told him either.

“Are you a virgin?”

“Have you lost your virginity yet?”

The latter question was when I finally saw who he really was – I never spoke to him again. He’s married now and has a son. I saw him in December and I did not tell him “hello”. He was walking with his son in his arms. He was never my friend. Though he didn’t use me, I don’t know why I feel betrayed by him.

When I write these posts, I have absolutely no idea where they would go. I always feel so much better after writing them though. That’s why I write them. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads them, but that it helps me feel much better. I’m so repetitive hahahaha. I’m not a writer so I don’t feel bad at all xD

I hope whoever reads this is having a good great night, and if you aren’t, I pray it gets better.

8:15 p.m.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s